Standup Comedian II (Slightly "X" rated)

I’m the world’s oldest sit down comic. I am also an old fart. How many old farts are there here tonight?. (Pointing) You…you…you…you. Glad to have you here, brothers.
As you know, I am the president of the local chapter of the Old Fart’s Club of America. We used to have a women’s auxiliary, but there weren’t many, so we disbanded the auxiliary. After all, they wouldn’t admit that they were farting, they were “emerging flatulence“! Some woman wrote a book entitled “Real Women Don’t Fart”.

My fart’s register 6.5 on the Sphincter Scale although, at a loud party, the farts, are hardly heard. I always carry a can of Pine Scent aerosol spray to clear the air. At this one party, I farted but with the Pine Scent spray, nobody was the wiser. Just then a drunk staggered in, took a couple of whiffs and loudly said, “Whose been eating pine trees?”.

I met this cutie at a party who was about 20 years younger than me and we started talking and drinking. We decided to go to a neighborhood bar and have a few more drinks. Then she whispered in my ear, in that husky whisper of hers, “Let’s go to my place”.

When we got there, she excused herself to go to her bedroom “to get into something more comfortable” and showed me a bean bag chair to sit in.

When she returned, she was wearing a very sexy negligee. It was so embarrassing when she had to help me get up out of that bean bag chair. She fixed me a drink to mellow me out. I figured that now was the time and reached for my wallet. Damn! I forgot to put my Viagra pill in there for that “special” moment!

Oh, well, back to reality!